My Movie News

joe-jonas6Okay, this is not something I publicly admit (in RL), but if I had a boat, Joe Jonas would be the water – or the element that enables said boat to stay afloat.  I know that’s not cool. Because you know, he’s Joe…Jonas. Not Joe Black, or even Joe Sixpack… “he’s like Mickey Mouse!” my detractors have retorted, “He’s just a kid, a Disney character!”  Hmm. I see. I see the argument there, and it’s convinced me that my infatuation with the metro-bro is a bit… embarassing. So I’ll just go ahead and lie and say that I was just joking about the whole thing. Really, I was. No really.

 

Okay, but do YOU have a movie coming out, in 3D?? No, didn’t think so, but  Joe Jonas does! (Oh, his brothers are in it too). Yeah, apparently the concert that had me screaming, is now burning up the screen! “So what are you saying? You’re gonna go watch this thing?” No… No! But that won’t stop me from replaying the trailer over and over until my speakers explode!

My apologies to family, friends, co-workers, neighbours or anyone remotely linked to me who might feel shamed by association. Thanks. Please don’t be concerned.

 

Advertisements
Tags:

It’s not often that I get excited about a Wayans’ bros film, I simply smirk, roll my eyes and figure “oh great, ANOTHER one…”. Mind you, I do consider myself a big fan of the brothers, just not a follower of their films. Let’s face it, they’ve been lame as of late. Wait, let me just backtrack and say that I did enjoy White Chicks, I did. Even though Roger Ebert declared it the “worst movie” of that year. I guess he wasn’t the target market.

While I don’t foresee any Oscars coming their way, I’m predicting a sort of Wayan’s world revival. Enter “Dance Flick” the new movie opening later this summer. It’s a parody of all those cheesy dance movies (Step Up, Save the Last Dance, You Got Served, etc…), the ones so hugely popular amongst the teen demographic, with the terrible writing, useless plots and pretty faces. It’s a pretty easy formula to parodize.  I have high hopes for this film, because my ratio of chuckles to eye roll was about 3:1 for the trailer! High hopes folks!

 

christian-bale-22I click on the Youtube “video” tab as I always do when I want to check out the latest viral “it” vid, and what’s the popular item at the moment? Christian Bale’s ballistic outburst – yes, the one where he’s NOT acting, but screaming and cursing like a little bitch. There I said it, I can’t believe it. I mean, I stood by and defended him against all the abuse allegations, because I refused to believe it and because I was so hopelessly enamoured with his acting ability and superstar street credibility. Not to mention that deliriously handsome mug of his. But this, this self-righteous lunatic-afflicted verbal lashing is just way out of line. Way out of line. For real man… a simple “Hey assh-le, stop trashing my F-ing scene!” would’ve sufficed…but no, he had to excessively deplore, decry and deride the poor dude! I mean geez…holy semantics batman!

Anyhoo, anyhoo…so I’m just gonna go ahead and post the Terminator trailer here.

What, was this whole tirade supposed to lead to a Bale-fest boycott?? Heck no! I still intend to watch this movie. Yes, the legit way. Love you CB – hate your misery!

After what seems like the shortest wait period for a film ever, Street Fighter’s The Legend of Chun-Li will be kicking into theaters on February 27th. And though I’m not much of a video-gamer, Kristin Kreuk’s casting as the legendary Capcom character had me counting down all the way til opening day.

That is, until I saw the trailer. Man, does it suck. I was excited about KK taking on a role that could see her catapulted into super-star status, but this potentially catastrophic movie seems more likely to cause a career crash.

I kind of saw it coming though. After all, the director’s credentials (Andrzej Bartkowiak) include such cinematic achievements as “Doom” (starring the Rock) and “Cradle to the Grave” (with Jet-Li and DXM) and nothing noticeably successful as far as I can tell.

But being  the true KK fan that I am, I do still intend to watch this movie. Yes, the legit way. Peep the trailer.

 

A few weeks ago the Dark Knight was finally dethroned after dominating the box-office for most of the summer. It was bound to happen eventually, but I was hoping it would break more records, say, the longest-running number one movie in history for instance – you know, something like that.

Maybe film-goers got tired of draping their summer days with so much darkness, tired of being “so serious”. Perhaps they were ready for a film that could deliver more by way of raucous, provocative fun, crude, uninhibited humor; a film of the pungently offensive variety without all the silliness and stupidity of “Disaster Movie” (and all its variations).

That film came storming in the form of Tropic Thunder, courtesy of Ben Stiller accompanied by a notorious cast including Robert Downey Jr., Jack Black, Nick Nolte and “My Hometown” hero, Montreal’s own Jay Baruchel. By now everyone knows about Tom Cruise’s covert appearance, which was cleverly concealed during the marketing process. His performance is quite outrageous and somewhat embarrassing, yet I applaud the man for his rowdy antics in the film. I didn’t think Scientology permitted such vulgarity! But religious beliefs aside, Tom’s a  cool guy, and his role did generate a lot of internet buzz, and that I suppose, translates into more dividends for movie execs (which coincidentally, is what he plays in the movie).

Buzz seemed to be what carried the film along for a while. At first, I wondered what the entire hullabaloo was for. There was so much controversy surrounding the film, with all the protests and headlines. Then came the accolades. Rolling Stone called it “…a knockout of a comedy that keeps you laughing constantly”, while I was still waiting to emit a heart-felt chuckle. Juvenile nonsense, I thought, just another distasteful satire trudging on treacherously offensive territory. Yes, it is offensive, that can’t be denied.  But the truth is the laughs eventually arrived, and when they did, they plummeted like a tropical downpour – sporadically, yet forcefully.

Robert Downey Jr. is responsible for inciting much of that laughter, thanks to an irreverent character, brilliantly portrayed, further extending his thespian range. He’s practically the focal point of the film, as though all humor hinges on his screen presence, regardless of whether or not he delivers the funny line. He’s Kirk Lazarus, an Australian Oscar-winner who undergoes a skin pigmentation process to turn himself black. Sure, political correctness might label it racist, or tasteless, but it’s clear the intentions were not malicious. His character is completely oblivious to the racial implications and innapropriate overtones. Besides Ben Stiller knows better, and probably assumes the audience does as well. The line between hateful and humorous can often be ambiguous, but unlike Michael Richards, he manages to teeter that border and come out the better end. What shocked me the most about Stiller however, were the size of his arms – they were huge! An instant Joey – Whoa! – moment, right there.

Jack Black is also very funny. Especially when he tries to be funny – which is all the time, like in all of his films. But of course, that is to be expected. Jack does here what he does best – make people laugh. Well, he makes me laugh, anyway. With his blond mop, and that eternally quizzical expression he wears. It’s kind of, dare I say, cute. Like a panda. A cuddly, clumsy, heroin-addict panda.

Jay Baruchel, and Brandon T. Jackson are fine contenders amidst their heavyweight counterparts. In fact, their inclusion is what saves the film from being a completely tawdry catastrophe. I can only imagine what debauchery might have ensued had these young’uns not been present to restrain the man-boys from their relentless lunacy. Case in point, it is Jackson’s character who tells Kirk “You’re Australian – be Australian!”

In the end however, it’s not a movie I would rush to see again. But if someone happened to be watching it on DVD, I would dash in to see all those funny parts, those moments of gut-busting, lung-exhausting hilarity. But of course, I wouldn’t stay there for long, because while the merriment is many, it sure isn’t plenty. Yes, the movie does gain momentum at the first hit of laughter, but like any storm, it eventually dies down, leaving in its wake a flurry of debris and destruction, or in this case, just the faint suspicion that one could’ve waited for the rental.

I havent really come across much exciting movie news, nor have I viewed any new films worth mentioning. Except, of course, that little box-office record smashing blockbuster beast, we refer to simply as “the bat-man.” But praising the movie would just be reiterating everyone else’s sentiments. That it was the greatest super-hero movie ever made. That Heath Ledger’s Joker was the most amazing character portrayal ever in the history of comic-book movies. That none is more suited to embody the batman than our beloved Christian Bale (not even Michael Keaton, and especially not you, George Clooney) That it merits multiple viewings because one simply isn’t enough and that the score was so good, I had to Youtube each and every one of the tracks just to re-live all those pivotal moments. I could go on, but I’ll leave it at that. (Ok, maybe that last one is just my own personal revelation) but the end theme (Track 14 “A Dark Knight”) still gives me shivers whenever I listen to it.

It conjures up residual memories of Batman fleeing from those ferocious hounds like a shadowy vigilante escaping his fate, vanishing into the darkness. The orchestra wails a commanding masterpiece, like a roaring gust of wind ascending from beneath his cape, lifting him from the murky depths of a dark, despondent city only to have him diminish into the shadows – banished into an oblivion, a fate unfitting for a hero. Because he is, as the narration goes, ” the hero that Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now”, and the music thunders on, tumbling like the stony hedges off a rocky mountain. “And so we’ll hunt him, because he can take it”, the symphony escalates, suspending my heart like a pendulum swaying slowly, heavily to the haunting ambient. “He’s not a hero”, the vibrational forces now pulling me into a gripping entanglement of awe, anticipation and calm excitement, “He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector… A DARK KNIGHT”. (Oohhh! In your face, Spiderman!) An epic ending befitting a grand tale of destruction and salvation, of a protagonist waging an internal battle between good and evil, condemned to endure in solitude the haunting echoes of a city consumed by crime, continually caught in the crossfires of fear and chaos.

Wow. Quite an extraordinary movie indeed, bolstered by an astounding soundtrack.  And as the last scene demonstrates, the music really is the element that makes it all happen.

jdvscb-copycropped.jpgCost for filming the caped crusader fight crime alongside his scissor-swivelling sidekick: A billion dollars. Pairing their respective alter-egos, Christian Bale and Johnny Depp in a movie – ANY movie? Genius. I mean, priceless. It seems like Hollywood’s finest minds have finally converged to produce this marvelous idea. Well, the latter idea that is.

According to various sources such as variety.com, the two are set to star in the onscreen adaptation of Brian Burrough’s “Public Enemies”, about the downfall of the notorious depression-era delinquents John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd.  Johnny Depp is slated to play John Dillinger, with Christian Bale on his trail as FBI agent Melvin Purvis.  I’m going to go on record right now and proclaim this the greatest cinematic pairing in Hollywood history. This is to movies what the Moonwalk is to music; it’s history-defining.

Of course, it only begs the question, “Why hadn’t anyone thought of this earlier?” There’s never been a more logical on-screen combination. Both actors are arguably among the more revered of Tinsel-town’s leading men. Both consistently deliver praise-worthy performances, often in edgier, complicated roles; both exude a subdued superstar quality combining cult-hero cool with mainstream magnetism. And both, in their own undefinable manner are just downright desirable. (Although I’m leaning more towards Christian Bale on this one!)

I honestly don’t think it can get any better than this. I mean, this duo alone outdoes the entire Ocean’s ensemble. (Hey, I don’t mind seeing Brad, George et. al onscreen, but that’s been done three times already!) Not to mention, the supporting cast for ‘Enemies’ includes Stephen Dorff (over whom I swooned during the Aerosmith-era), Giovanni Ribisi, Channing Tatum, Jason Clark and the the beautiful best actress Oscar winner, Marion Cotillard to smooth out the ruggedly resplendent roster.

The fate of the film lies at the helm of director Michael Mann, but with such immense talent at his disposal, this ingenius idea is guaranteed to be virtually fail-proof. However, if that doesn’t work, there’s always the batman/scissorhands storyline!